09.28.2005 | 6:33 pm | Daily Life, Gray Matters, Ranting
Heehee…sneaking in to post a little bit o’ whatever comes rolling off my fingertips. It’s another slammer of a week for Philip. He’s very stressed because he’s actually missing deadlines, due to all the work coming in. Missing a deadline really gets to him. Although I miss my computer time, there are really no complaints here, that’s for sure. We need that money! It looks like he’s actually going to make enough during these two weeks, to pay our mortgage for both Oct. AND Nov.! What a great break- for once not scraping and scrounging to get that payment together.
To celebrate, we went out to eat Sunday night. At a real sit-down restaurant! LOL- we NEVER do that. We really didn’t do it just to celebrate; we had some errands to take care of in P’cola and since we were in town, we decided to splurge for once and get something to eat while out, rather than rush home to eat. Grayson had a great time, although he mostly just ate the lemons that came in my water. I mean, he actually ATE them. He loves lemons. He also LOVED the waitress. She was very pretty, with dark hair, eyes, & skin. Not sure what her heritage would be, but I’m guessing Italian or Spanish. ?? She was really beautiful, which Grayson definitely seemed to pick up on. He totally went gaga over her every time she came to the table. 
She got a kick out of him. When she brought our check she asked how old he was, told us he was a “beautiful boy” (gosh I already knew that one), and commented on how well-behaved he was. Proud mama, I was! I had actually thought he’d gotten kinda loud a couple of times, but comparing that to other spectacles I’ve witnessed, and I’m sure she deals with kids running wild all the time as well, I can see why she thought he was well-behaved! 
We went to Barnes & Noble afterward, intending for Gray to have some fun in the kids’ section. Unfortunately, someone else thought it was a great night to bring her nasty sick kid there to do the same. UGH! This is one of my ultimate pet peeves! My blood pressure goes up instantly when I hear some nasty-coughing kid out in public- especially at a place for kids! It’s SO inconsiderate to others. So, thanks to mom-of-the-year, we just turned back around and left. We went to Books-A-Million instead, which has been closed for the past year, since hurricane Ivan leveled it. They just had their grand re-opening last week, so everything is all new and nice inside. They don’t have as good a play area, but at least there were no sick kids, and he had fun playing with all the Sesame Street characters.
As we were approaching home, well after dark, we passed the pond that’s a couple of blocks from our house. Gray piped up from the back seat, “Jee-jee-jee!”. I have this thing – whenever we drive into the driveway, I always say to Gray, “Home again, home again, Jiggety-jig!”. It started as a joke because Philip’s mom always said that to them when they got home, and it was always something they rolled their eyes at. Anyway, Gray usually says “Jee-jee-Jee!” (his version of jiggety-jig) whenever we pull the drive, but this time he said it when we were still a couple of blocks from the house! And at night! Apparently he knows our road, even in the dark (of course, he should, being that we walk past that pond twice, every single day). I thought it was pretty smart of him.
This week I’ve filled the days doing some shopping, and also cleaning & organizing. Still working on the office. Still in the throes of serious potty-training. It’s still going well 80-90% of the time. It’s very time-consuming, but well worth the trouble.
Monday’s Arrested Development was sinfully funny! It really HAS to be a sin to be THAT perfectly hilarious! My only complaint is that I NEED more Buster! MORE Buster and his prosthetic hook-hand! MORE Oedipal comments about his mother “dumping” him for his father! LMBO.
I’ve been nursing a toothache since the weekend. It started with my wisdom tooth, which is badly decayed, but a couple of days ago it “traveled” over to the molars next to it (both of which already have fillings. WTF?). I have a relatively high pain tolerance, but this is really getting to the point that it’s hard to manage. But, being that we have no dental insurance (that’s the reason I still have all four badly decayed wisdom teeth in my mouth in the first place), I’m trying to get through it. Hoping and praying it goes away. I’ve had bad toothaches before that have gone away in a week or so. This one is particularly bad, though, in that it seems to be two or three teeth that are aching at once – like the entire jaw on that side is aching. My mouth hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrts. Woe is me! Haha. Monday I bought some sensitive teeth toothpaste and am praying for the best!
Tonight is LOST night! Woohoo! Will we get answers? Absolutely NOT, I’m sure! LOL!
Playlist: “InBetween Days” - The Cure
Mood: Anticipatory (LOST!)
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09.24.2005 | 8:09 am | Daily Life, Gray Matters
Finally, I get some sit-down time at the computer. What is it with Philip, thinking he can work all the time? He had a near-full-time workload this week, thanks to a new project, plus the law firm was also wanting lots of stuff done. Considering he makes 50-70 bucks an hour (depending on which client), that ain’t too bad! Unfortunately, he rarely has anything close to a full-time workload. If only he could have weeks like this all the time. He thinks it won’t be too long; next week he, Becky and Jim are meeting with a potential HUGE client who’s looking for an agency. Philip, Becky and Jim at their service…we hope!
I need to recap my week because I haven’t logged anything in on the calendar yet. Letssee…Monday I continued my first attempts at organizing this chaotic office. In the evening, I took Gray for a bike ride. And then we watched the season premiere of Arrested Development. If you didn’t, then I wouldn’t bother reading further. You are not worthy of reading my blog! LOL!
Tuesday I took my walk in the morning, because I wanted to spend the rest of the day uninterrupted as I worked on organizing the office. It was a bad idea. 90 degrees out at 10am…it was a very miserable 45 minutes! I got sunburned and Grayson was cranky. When we got back, I took off Gray’s diaper and hooked up the sprinkler for him to play in. It was a GREAT way to cool off after a hot, sweaty, walk. He had so much fun, and wasn’t happy when it was finally time to go in. I had to carry him inside, kicking & crying. When we got in, I heard the shower running and since Grayson needed a bath (especially now, since he was covered in grass & leaves), I took him in and plunked him down in the shower with Philip. That made up for my ending his sprinkler time; now he was getting shower time and that made it okay.
I went back outside and decided to wash the stoller, since it’s never ever been washed. The wheels had been squealing and it was nasty all over. In the evening, I went out & took off all the wheels, cleaned off the axles, and gave all the bearings & axles a good oiling. I aired up all the tires cause they were way low. The stroller is like-new again!
Wednesday I decided to tackle my box of memories. This is a box I’ve had since 1998, that I’ve used to store anything & everything I’d deemed important enough to save. It had stuff like each years’ birthday & Christmas cards, other cards, letters from friends, postcards & brochures from places we’ve visited, newspaper clippings, etc. I went through it and was ruthless about what to actually continue saving. Letters & notes & cards from friends/family, I keep. Christmas cards, I threw out. Who needs to keep 40 Christmas cards from EACH year? I did save the ones where someone had written a real note inside, though. I threw out wedding/graduation invitations and birth announcements…I don’t need those. I threw out newspaper clippings that didn’t have personal meaning - like, WHY did I really need to save the USA Today red/blue map from the 2000 election? LOL. I kept my cards & brochures from places we’ve been…Niagara Falls, Corning NY, Beauvoir house, Empire St. Bldg, Museum of Nat. History, the MOMA, Broadway Playbills, Lancaster PA, Vanderbilt Mansion, etc. I threw out dorky things like the receipt from my very first IKEA visit, and a balloon saved from a birthday party. LOL! I did keep every card that I receieved back in 2001 after my cancer diagnosis. I got over 100 cards from friends, family, church members…each one meant so much to me at the time, and they still do. I have to keep them all. By the time I finished, I ended up throwing away over half of the stuff I’d started with. I took what was left and organized it by year. Then I labelled a manilla folder for each year, and put the correlating stuff into each one. I now have a consolidated keepsake/memory collection, that I can access easily by year (thank you, Confessions of an Organized Housekeeper!).
Wednesday night, we watched the season premiere of LOST. Whoooooah, it did NOT disappoint! Well actually it did, because I NEED some answers! Can’t wait till next week.
Thursday was a general housework day. Laundry, sweeping, straightening, etc. I also spent a lot of time at the potty with Grayson, not much different than the past two weeks (when I started really pushing the potty), BUT this week he suddenly started telling me when he has to go! He’ll be playing, and suddenly he’ll drop everything and say, “Potty! Potty!”, as he runs to the bathroom. 
Lo and behold, it actually WORKS to give your kid a little “push” where potty training is concerned (I already knew that, but now I have my own proof)! All this week, he’s had only 1 or 2 wet disposable diapers per day, and most days he has no wet cloth diapers (which is what he wears all day when he’s not napping). He’s only had 2 wet and 2 poopy cloth diapers the entire week. I estimate about 90% of his pees & poops were in the potty this week! Wow! Two weeks ago, we were 100% in diapers and clueless about the potty! Go, Gray!
Yesterday (Friday) was a crappy-feeling day. Despite sleeping 8.5 hours overnight, I woke up feeling like I needed to go back to bed and sleep again. Which is what I did. At about 11am, I gave up trying to get anything done, and I went to bed. Philip graciously fed Grayson his lunch and did his potties with him. I have to say that having a work-at-home dad for a husband comes in handy. Most of the time, it drives me crazy that he’s here most of the day. But yesterday it was a godsend. I slept from 11am till 1:30pm! Good grief! I woke up feeling a little better, but started feeling crappy again not too long afterward. I fought the urge to go back to bed for the rest of the day.
Today, I still feel the same, and I slept good last night as well. I just feel extremely exhausted, and I feel nauseous every time I eat. I’m also feeling hot - like hot flashes! My body temp is just not regulating well. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. At times like this, the fear of cancer raging inside of me – which is always there daily but I manage to keep it relatively quiet – bubbles up into my concious thoughts, and I get literally frozen with fear. Ugh! I hope I feel better soon.
Glad I could do a recap this morning. I keep telling Philip I NEEEEED an iBook. He reminds me we don’t have $4000 sitting around, and if we did, we’d use it for a new roof & shed! LOL. I sure wish I had one, though.
Today I hope we can get the final bits of Grayson’s room done. His door needs a new knob and new hinges. We also need to get our shed roof tacked back down. Dennis blew off a section of metal, and rain just pours in through the roof now. Too bad our insurance sucks and didn’t give us enough money with which to buy a new shed! Grrrrr! We didn’t even get enough to cover the roof! So now we sit with a damaged roof, not quite sure what we’re going to do. And praying for no more hurricanes!
Buh-bye!
On the Playlist: “Hey Jealousy” - Gin Blossoms
Current mood: Focused
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09.19.2005 | 2:28 pm | Uncategorized, Reviews
Tonight is the season premiere of Arrested Development! (On Fox, at 7pm CST)
It’s only the best show on television, aside from LOST of course. Those are two of the few bright lights in a sea of television crapola. I hate most stuff on TV…hate the brainless sitcoms, tired reality shows, and I can’t forget - the “entertainment” stuff like American Idol. Vomit!
Arrested Development is by far the funniest show on TV - it beats even The Simpsons, in my opinion. AD has been called “comedy for smart people”, and that’s right on the mark. In other words, people who live(d) for Friends and other predictable, clichéd sitcoms like it, probably don’t watch AD…and probably wouldn’t get it if they did. I will say that you have to really stop and pay attention to the show when you watch, or you’ll miss everything you’re supposed to be catching, and therefore will miss all the humor. It’s a lot like The Simpsons in that way – quick-moving, clever humor, much of it visual and much of it based on knowing the characters. If you have small children, definitely record it and watch it after they’re in bed. I missed out on the entire first season of AD because I tried watching it while my now-toddler was awake and running around. Consequently, I ended up thinking it was boring and stopped watching. The horror! But this past summer, we caught some of the re-runs from season two, after Gray was in bed for the night. We were immediately hooked; sucked into the hilarious world of the insanely dysfunctional Bluth Family.
We went to Blockbuster and rented the entire first season on DVD, and spent the next weeks watching an episode or two each night after Gray was asleep. We laughed nearly non-stop throughout each 22-minute episode. There were things so funny that we’d back it up and watch the same scene 3 or 4 times, laughing harder each time. At times, one or both of us would burst into laughter so loudly that we’d have to run check to see if we’d awakened Grayson. Yep, it’s that funny. I can’t believe more people aren’t watching. But then again, I can…reference once again the popularity of sit-coms like Friends, Will & Grace, etc. etc. The typical mainstream American is perfectly happy with “easy” humor and canned laughs, and that’s why all the cutting-edge shows end up being cancelled while all the brainless crap stays on the air.
AD is different from anything else on TV, that’s for sure. It’s definitely a comedy, but not in the sit-com style with laugh tracks and one-liners. The humor is dark, clever, and delightfully sardonic. In other words, perfect! A quick example is how the youngest Bluth brother, Buster, has his arm bitten off in an unfortunate attack by an escaped seal, and he now has a prosthesis with a hook. He’s constantly going around wounding people (and himself) with the hook, as well as getting things (like a coconut) lodged in it. He just happens to be my favorite character, BTW. But the entire cast is amazing, and each character is hilariously written and acted.
There’s awkward 14-year-old George-Michael’s secret crush on his cousin Maeby.
Gob’s cheesy magic acts are always set to the dramatic 80s song “The Final Countdown”, and his main mode of transportation is a Segway. The rest of the family gets around in a “stair-car”, which is an old truck equipped with a set of stairs that was once used to board the family plane.
Lucille, the family matriarch, is a controlling, selfish lush who checks her Latino maid’s purse before she lets her leave at the end of the workday.
The aforementioned Buster is also a 30-something mamma’s boy with a bit of an Oedipus complex. He, of course, still lives with his mother, Lucille.
Lindsey’s husband Tobias is a sexually ambiguous wanna-be actor, who is also a self-proclaimed “never-nude”…he can never be naked, not even in the shower. He wears denim cut-offs underneath everything.
This is only the tip of the iceberg, but just some quick examples of the family’s outrageous quirkiness.
The show is simply brilliant. Anyone ever watch Freaks and Geeks? It ranks right up there with that masterpiece of underappreciated genius (which was cancelled after its first season…of course!).
Tonight begins the third season, and I can’t wait. There had been talk of cancellation, but due to outrageous sales of the season one DVD set (season two comes out on DVD next month), as well as rabidly loyal fans, FOX decided to give it another chance. So somebody’s watching, I guess.
I dare anyone who hasn’t really watched it, to watch it, especially if you tend to run a little off-beat in your humor. Not only tonight’s season premiere, but I dare you to take a chance and rent the season one DVD - I PROMISE you will LOVE it, and become as hopelessly addicted as we have.
It’s hard to give a good synopsis of the show. It’s something you just have to watch to understand. Kind of like Napoleon Dynamite. But much funnier (and I actually loved ND!). But here’s a try from a fansite:
The Story
From the show’s introduction:
This is the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. This is Arrested Development.
After George Bluth, Sr. (Jeffrey Tambor), is arrested for embezzelling funds from the Bluth Development Company, the Bluth family is forced to give up their pampered lifestyle. Michael (Jason Bateman), the responsible one, tries to keep his son George Michael (Michael Cera) from being corrupted by his acerbic mother Lucille (Jessica Walter), his older magician brother G.O.B. (Will Arnett), his twin sister Lindsay (Portia de Rossi), his psychologist-turned-actor brother-in-law Tobias (David Cross), and his niece Maeby (Alia Shawcat). Younger brother and mama’s boy, Buster (Tony Hale), also enters the mix. Arrested Development follows the delusional antics of this spoiled family in a mockumentary style.
Find out more about each character, watch clips, and other fun stuff HERE.
Click here to see a short clip of Gob’s over-the-top “Final Countdown” routine. ROFL
Again, I dare you to watch tonight! Or better yet, rent the first season so you’ll know what’s going on! (Fox should give me a comission!)
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09.16.2005 | 9:28 pm | Uncategorized, Reviews, Ranting
Getting back to the Crüe…
Wednesday night was the concert! We took Gray to his Aunt Leslie’s house to be babysat. That’s Philip’s little sister. She & her husband live in P’cola, not too far from the Civic Center, and that combined with the fact that Gray adores her, made us decide to leave our baby for the night and let him be put to bed by someone other than us for the first time ever. A MILESTONE for sure! Yes, I felt like a bad mom for leaving him just so I could go have fun. But c’mon, it’s been nearly two years since I’ve gone out alone with Philip at night!
Leslie said he did okay for the first hour or so, but the last hour he did some whining for “Mama” and “Da-Doo”, but that she was able to comfort him easily. Whew. She said he went to sleep easily, too. Double whew. They were both asleep when we came staggering in after midnight. I peeked in and saw him curled up on Leslie’s daybed, and thought he was the sweetest, most welcome sight ever. We crashed there for the night and left the next morning once Gray woke up.
So, about the concert! Well, more than anything, I’m thrilled I finally got to see them live, 15 years after I was denied access. They’re by no means my favorite band, but I’ve always liked them, Philip’s always liked them, and the music certainly did rock (at least the old stuff did. I could care less about the recent stuff…thankfully they only subjected us to two newer songs and the rest were classics). And it was LOUD…soooo LOUD. I sit here 48 hours later with my ears still ringing, but they’re much better than yesterday when they were both ringing and NUMB. LOL. We had great seats; only 5 rows up from the floor and two sections down from the stage. Thanks for spoiling us, Lee!
The crowd was mostly old farts between 30-45 years old, but there were plenty of young’uns in their teens to twenties, and quite a few kids as well. I can’t wait till Gray’s old enough to tag along with us to stuff like this. It’s quite an environment for learning. LOL! Most people were in typical rock concert attire (read: chicks dressed like groupies), but there were plenty of nicer-looking types, in t-shirts or polo shirts & jeans and the like.
While standing in the long line waiting to get in (thanks to TWO security checkpoints), we heard yelling coming from one of the interstate ramps nearby. It was some chick in a white dress, holding a big cross and yelling Bible verses at us in King James. Always the best tactic for converting people, that’s for sure. Everyone was laughing at her and offering her their tickets. I’m never sure what to do in situations like that. I want to laugh at her too, because she’s really just turning people away…heck, it turns me away! But if I laugh, I feel like I’m somehow ashamed to be a Christian. Which I am not; not even close. I just don’t agree with the idea that, first- being at a MC concert is somehow equivalent with being on your way to hell; and second- that she thinks anyone is going to want to be a Christian based on being yelled at in King James from the side of the road. Anywhoo…I can’t help but wonder what God thinks about stuff like that. Deep thoughts…
My only complaints are that the guys are really losing the coolness they once had…by trying waaaay too hard to be “badass”. They’re all well over 40 (one is over 50), and seeing them resort to sophomoric tactics in order to impress the crowd made me actually feel sorry for them. It was kind of pitiful at times. The whole erotic circus show was cheesy and lame. Saying the F-word over 200 times was cheesy & lame, too, as well as juvenile. I had thought to myself before the show that we wouldn’t leave there without hearing the term (and excuse my language, but I’m quoting), “Pensa-fuckin-cola” at LEAST once…and I was right! LOL! They said it! ROFL…how sadly predictable!
They wore stage makeup. Enough said.
The worst debacle was when Tommy Lee took the stage with his video camera and started begging chicks to flash him their boobs, which would then be broadcast up on the big screens for the entire crowd to see. There were plenty of willing parties at first, but 15 minutes later, when he was resorting to harrassing chicks who didn’t want to do it, it had really gotten old. (I have to give some love to my dear husband, who has never gotten into that sort of thing, but even moreso was annoyed by it even happening. It’s nice to have…a “nice” guy.) Although I think even the sleazy guys were getting tired of it at that point, because some guy near us stood up & yelled, “YOU SUCK! PLAY SOME MUSIC!” I think Tommy definitely heard it because he finally put the camera away and they…played some music! And everything rocked again.
Just stick to the music, please! It’s why we came!
Although, it seems 95% of the crowd came to get drunk. LOL. I think Philip & I were two of the only sober people there. One of our favorite pasttimes has always been watching drunk people act like idiots…and this night was no different! Never ceases to amaze me that people will pay 65 bucks for a ticket but then get so drunk they won’t ever remember being at the show. And despite the fact that FL has a law banning smoking in any indoor public place, there was a dense cloud of smoke in the air. And it wasn’t just cigarette smoke…LOL. Personally, I don’t mind the cigarette/weed smell nearly as much as I do the stench of alcohol. It’s one of the nastiest smells on earth. Ah, the crap you have to put up with just to see a rock show. LOL.
Despite the drawbacks, we both had a great time and are glad for the opportunity to have gone. That night as I tried to sleep, my eardrums were aching and throbbing, and the song “Kickstart My Heart” was racing through my brain. It was the best kind of insomnia.
I’ll close with a shot of Tommy Lee with his infamous “Titty-cam”. The big screen above him shows the chicks he’s scoping.
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09.15.2005 | 10:08 pm | Uncategorized
Exactly one year ago tonight, we were sitting directly underneath this monster:
(Hurricane Ivan - NASA image) September 15 - 16, 2004
Yikes, I can remember how eerie it was when they posted that image on TV, not long before the power went out. The weather had been deteriorating all night, but by 9pm when we went to put Grayson to bed, it was really getting bad. It was one of the few nights we’ve ever had a problem getting him to sleep (it was so very noisy outside, and he picked up on our uneasiness as well). Once finally asleep, he amazingly slept through the entire storm, at least until around 7am when something big fell on the roof. Philip and I did not sleep at all. We just laid and listened to the howling wind and prayed, all night long. Scary, awful night it was. The sound of the wind and stuff flying around outside wreaks havoc emotionally & psychologically. The worst thing about Ivan, other than how strong the wind speed was, was how freaking LONG it took to pass through. Not only was it was a HUGE storm; it also moved very slowly. The eyewall hit around midnight-1am, and the worst of the wind/rain just pounded us all night long and didn’t let up till daybreak. And then, it was still bad all morning until it finally started to calm around noon. The duration was one of the reasons our town fared so badly. 120-35mph winds, all night long. It is so hard to get people to believe that all the leaves were stripped off all the trees - at least the trees that made it and were still standing. It was so weird! Between that and the damage that nearly every house sustained, I remember not recognizing our neighborhood when we finally returned two weeks later. I’ve heard so many people say it looked like we’d been bombed…it really did. Ugh, ugh, ugh…what bad memories this date brings back.
This morning driving through P’cola, we passed one of the many “trailer cities” around town. Each one has hundreds of FEMA trailers set up in row after row, housing people who, a year later, are still homeless due to Ivan. It makes me sad that our people here suffered so much loss last year, but because – for whatever reason – the media didn’t catch on to what happened here, NO ONE outside this region really had a clue that anything had happened. Do NOT get me wrong, I believe it’s a great thing that people everywhere HAVE heard about Katrina’s devastation. There’s help coming from literally everywhere, and I’m glad because they need it badly.
But my point is that Ivan was the 2nd worst natural disaster in US history, second to #1 hurricane Andrew (now Katrina will be #1). I’m willing to bet that no one who is reading this even had a clue it was that bad, except for locals and a couple of you who talk to me personally and hear me constantly referring to things we still deal with (um, thanks for putting up with me, BTW). We didn’t have power, but several non-local friends told us that after the first post-storm day, there was no more mention of Ivan on the news. WTF! I’m not sure why the media didn’t pick us to focus relentlessly on…Philip says it’s mainly because we’re not a big metro area, and also, not that many people died. I guess that makes sense (he also jokes that it was because our area is very heavily Republican. LOL…kinda). To quote the great Don Henley: “It’s interesting when people die…give us dirty laundry.” He was right, that’s fo’ sure! :p
What I do know for sure is not a day goes by (probably not even a few hours…LOL again…kinda) that I don’t see the damage or its effects somewhere, or remember something about that horrible storm or the weeks that followed it. I would say I probably need counseling (maybe I do! LOL for real!), but from hearing & talking to people around here, I seem to be right in line with them. I mean, it still comes up in one way or another on the local news every night. Local columnists frequently mention it. I still hear people talking about it when I’m in a store or standing in line somewhere. So I know it’s not just me. It changed everyone’s lives & outlooks. It was just a BAD storm.
Anyway, not sure why I got off on that end of things…just what’s in my head I guess. I’ve totally dreaded this anniversary date rolling around. Now it’s here, and thankfully we’re in our own home tonight, which is still standing after Ivan and after Dennis (a little beaten up, but in fairly good condition overall). We’re alive and mostly well, and Grayson is sleeping soundly and safely, and I hope to be doing the same in a few minutes, alongside my wonderful husband. We do have much to be thankful for! I remind myself of that everytime I see one of those trailer cities or the remains of a blue tarp on someone’s ruined roof. I know it’ll get easier, especially once this area completely recovers. We’ve definitely come a long way in a year’s time. It’s just amazing how much is still left to be done. I really hope we don’t get another Ivan for many years, if ever!
On another, cheerier note, we went to the Crüe concert last night!
I’m still exhausted from being out so late, and my ears are still ringing…quite badly. I’ll have to do a re-cap tomorrow, or whenever I get the time. Man, those guys have gotten O-O-O-OLD! LMBO!
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09.13.2005 | 12:11 pm | Daily Life, Gray Matters
After the blood drive on Sunday, I felt like Grayson deserved to be treated to some fun since he wasn’t allowed on the waterslide. We threw some towels in the car and decided to head down to the beach.
It was a perfect beach day. Sunny, dry, and the water was calm. The only thing lacking perfection was that the sand wasn’t up to its usual awe-inspiring fine white powdery-ness, since it’s still being replinished after hurricanes Dennis, and very recently, Katrina, which gave P’cola beach a heck of a storm surge for a storm that pretty much missed us otherwise. There were barges offshore dredging up sand from the Gulf which will soon be put back on the beaches!
Gray did his usual fussing when he got in the sand. He hates anything grainy or sticky on him, and it was driving him mad. So we took him to walk at the edge of the water, hoping he’d not be so scared of it this time as he has been in the past. Last time we were there, we got him to step in the water, but that was it!
A few waves rolled in unexpectedly and knocked him completely over, face-first into the water. I was bracing myself for him to lose it, but to my surprise, he began squealing and got up to run back into the deeper water. Holy moly, what a change from last time!
He plopped down, diaper & all, into the water and there he sat for close to an hour. He played, splashed, kicked, rolled his truck underwater, and generally had a ball. I hate that I didn’t wear my swimsuit because I really wanted to plop down next to him and join him! We filled up the card on the camera taking pictures of his pure joy. I posted them on our Shutterfly site, but I don’t want to put the link here. If you want to see them, let me know & I’ll send the link.
By the time the sun started to set, the tide was beginning to come in and he was sitting in shoulder-deep water, getting hit by waves and giggling wildly each time he got hit. Sometimes he’d dunk his head down into the water and take a big drink, only to sputter & spit it all out once he realized it was nasty. Somehow it didn’t stop him from doing it over & over, though; silly boy. When it was time to leave, he kept running back into the water. I don’t blame him a bit! The Gulf is soooooo warm this time of year - it’s 80 to 90 degrees and it really feels like a sauna, complete with waves!
He was a sticky, salty mess when we got home. I’m so glad we took him!
Tomorrow night is the long-awaited Motley Crüe concert! I’m really looking forward to getting to experience the rush of a concert again. The last one we went to was…hmmm…thinking…Jennifer Knapp in New Orleans in July 2002! I can’t believe it’s been three years since I’ve had that kind of a night! I hope I’ll be able to stay awake through the whole thing! LOL
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09.11.2005 | 9:10 pm | Uncategorized
Today at church we had a special family day with remembrance of the Americans lost on September 11, 2001. Afterwards, there was a blood drive and also a potluck lunch and a huge waterslide for the kids. Grayson was a bit too small to do the waterslide, but that didn’t stop him from standing right beside it, saying a giddy “WHOAAAAAAAAH!” as he watched the big kids shooting down into the water.
Anyway, I just wanted to send out my thoughts about the date. I can’t believe it’s been four years since that day. We lived 19 miles from NY City then, and it affected us greatly. Everyone remembers what they were doing that morning when they heard. I do, too.
I had just arrived at work at around 9am, and I’d already noticed what an absolutely beautiful early fall day it was. It was only my 2nd day back at work after my biopsy surgery…and it was exactly a week after my breast cancer diagnosis. I worked at a NY State psychiatric research facility, in the research library, as a library assistant. I had only been up in the library for a few minutes when Philip called (he was at work, also. He worked at the Salvation Army; he was the graphic designer for the Salvation Army’s Eastern territory headquarters). He told me they had just heard about a plane hitting one of the WTC towers.
I was like, “NO WAY…was it an accident?”, and he said it wasn’t known yet just what had happened. I logged on to one of the library computers and tried to access some news sites, but they were all bogged down and not loading. I told my co-worker, Julie what Philip had told me. We got a radio out and tried to find some info, but no one knew what was going on.
A few minutes later, Philip called again. He said another plane had crashed into the other WTC tower. I remember my heart sinking, because then I knew, there was no way it was an accident.
Julie & I talked about it for a while, and I went back into the stacks to try and get some work done. It wasn’t long before Julie called me back up front and told me Philip was on the phone again. That’s when he told me one of the towers had collapsed. I didn’t believe him! I told him I knew he was joking, and he said he was NOT joking. I told him it must just be a crazy rumor, because there was no way one of those towers could collapse. I remember his response was,
“Cam. One of the WTC towers is completely GONE.”
It was unbelievable. I told Julie and she nearly cried.
Of course, he called again to say that the other tower had collapsed and told us about the Pentagon and that other plane that crashed. It was very scary at that point. We had no idea what was going on, just like the rest of the country.
My parents ended up calling the library not long after that, to see if I was okay (I’m not sure why they thought suburban NYC had been attacked, but I guess from 1200 miles away, they weren’t sure what was going on. LOL).
Around noon, I was done with my work, so I went home. That’s when I got to see the footage of what all had happened, for the first time. Philip got let out of work early and when he got home, we drove to a hilltop spot near our house where you could see a perfectly clear view of Manhattan every day. That day the view was especially clear, and along with about 50 other people who’d come to see the same thing, we stood and watched in awe the big smoldering pile of WTC towers 1 & 2, from about 15 miles away. 
That day was a turning point for me regarding my breast cancer diagnosis. As I wrote last week, the verses God had given me had instantly taken away all my fear and depression, but I had still been struggling with feeling sorry for myself during the few days after that. But no more, after September 11. There was work to be done, and thanks to Philip working for the Salvation Army, as well as our proximity to the City, I was given the opportunity of a lifetime:
Three days later, on Sept. 14, I got to go along with Philip and other Salvation Army employees to work at Ground Zero, providing relief to the firefighters and rescue workers. The experience was something I have a hard time describing, because it was so raw and so life-altering. I saw things that night that will never leave my mind. Maybe I’ll write more about it later this week. I really didn’t mean to get onto a rabbit trail here…I just wanted to give honor to the day, and to those who died, and to those who still suffer from the loss of their loved ones that day.
The trendy thing to say/write/have on your car back then was “never forget”. I hope everyone who sported that little ditty are living up to their promise. I know I won’t ever forget.
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09.9.2005 | 9:50 am | Uncategorized, Daily Life, Gray Matters, Ranting
I love this:
Something about the sun in his eyes and the expression he made…he doesn’t look like himself, but I love it anyway. It reminds me of little Danny from “The Shining”.
Not much time to blog today. It’s been crazy all week. The past 7 days have been a blur; so much going on. Some of it’s been crappy.
Like finding out we have to pay 400 bucks that we don’t have for new brakes & rotors on the car. I have no idea what we’re going to do. Why is there no relief agency to help US? LOL.
And not being able to find a gas station that actually HAS gas (thanks, environmentalists! We’re all much better off because of your keeping the gas pipeline from being built in the Gulf! Thank goodness Jeb is currently trying to push it through anyway, now that he has proof of how we completely run out of gasoline everytime a storm passes through!).
And not being able to find baby food or diapers anywhere, because people here are either too stupid or too controlling to just donate $$ to relief agencies rather than buy up every last diaper in the county. Seriously, the shelves everywhere were empty. We drove from store to store (using up gasoline that we weren’t able to replace) looking for food & diapers, but found none. I called & bitched out all the store managers, as well as our county commissioner, for letting this happen. They all said they’ve tried to inform people to donate cash rather than supplies, but people won’t listen. STUPID! They said our supply system is already strained because we have thousands of evacuees staying in our area, and people doing this just makes it worse. I can’t believe they’ve actually tried to inform people of this, and they’re still not listening. UGH! We finally had to get Philip’s sister to bring us diapers when she came back from S. FL this weekend…whew!
So if you’re local & reading this & you’ve sent diapers or baby food rather than cash, just know I think you’re really stupid, because you can’t figure out that babies here need that stuff just as much as any others! Thanks to you, now MY kid doesn’t have baby food, and he wouldn’t have diapers now if it weren’t for us being able to call someone who was coming this way from another area! You probably don’t care, though, because you’re so busy telling everyone around you how much you’ve donated (yes, I’m tired of hearing people talk about that. What you donate is supposed to be a private thing).
But despite all that, most of the week has been downright wonderful. I’ve spent hours sitting in front of Grayson while he sits on the potty, keeping him entertained and loving the closeness it fosters.
And I fixed our kitchen faucet, all by myself! It doesn’t leak anymore! I’m becoming such a handyma’am!
We finally got the rest of our portraits in from the studio. I thought they’d never get it straight! But now I have all the portraits, and I’ve gotten them all up on the walls and am working on sending them out to many friends & relatives. They all turned out soooo nice. I even look almost thin in mine!
Our evening walks have been pleasantly cool, for the first time in a long time.
Philip & I just celebrated 11 years of togetherness on Labor Day. Even though we’re too poor to ever go out & eat, we went wild and took Gray out to Cici’s Pizza. Kids under 2 eat free! WOOhoo! LMBO.
I guess overall the good outweighs the bad. Yeah, it definitely does. I just hope it slows down here. I miss blogging and I sure haven’t had time to actually write in my journal. I miss that, too.
I must go now and mow the lawn!
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09.4.2005 | 8:29 am | Uncategorized, Breast Cancer
Four years ago today. On Tuesday, September 4th, 2001, at around 4pm, I was told I had breast cancer. I was 28 years old. We lived in New York at the time, in a suburb of NYC.
A month before, I’d discovered a large lump in my breast by “accident” (it’s in quotes, because I KNOW it was definitely NO accident). I’d always done sporadic breast exams, so I was generally aware of what was normal, and this lump had appeared virtually overnight. It was so large that it prompted me to show it to my gynecologist, who told me that even though I was way too young for it to be breast cancer, she’d send me for an ultrasound to ease my mind. The u/s revealed it to be solid, which was not good news. It had to be biopsied. When I had my consult with the surgeon (Aug. 23), he was anxious and concerned about its size, as well as its irregular shape. Usually a biopsy can be made via needle and without surgery, but he told me he wanted to surgically remove the entire mass, due to its unusual size & shape. At the time, I was upset that I couldn’t just have the non-invasive needle biopsy, but it turned out that having the surgical biopsy saved my life.
On Aug. 29, I had the biopsy, and I awoke from anesthesia to be told that the initial analysis in the O.R. was that it was a benign fibrous tumor. All appeared to be well, but of course the mass had to be sent to pathology for deeper biopsy, just to be sure. I went home and spent the Labor Day weekend recovering and being pampered by Philip.
On Tues., Sept. 4, I went back to my surgeon’s office to have the stitches removed. After he’d finished, he seemed nervous and told us he had some things to go over with us from the pathology report. That’s when he gave us the news. The initial analysis of the lump had been accurate. It WAS a benign fibrous tumor. But upon studying the cross-sections, the pathologist had found some breast tissue containing milk ducts. The ducts were packed with cancer cells. The diagnosis was Ductal Carcinoma In Situ (DCIS), grade 3, with necrosis. Grade 3 with necrosis is the most aggressive type of DCIS. The “good” news was that the “in situ” part of the name meant that the cancer cells were still contained within the ducts, meaning that it had not broken through and invaded my breast tissue. At least not in this sample of tissue. And that was the problem. I was going to have to have another surgery, a full re-excision, to take more breast tissue out and see where (or IF) the cancer-filled ducts stopped, or if there had been any invasion into surrounding tissue. He referred me to an oncologist and told me to consult w/him as soon as possible so we could get the next surgery scheduled. (I won’t go into the details of the rest of the story here, but in short, the next surgery revealed no end to the cancer-filled ducts…they were everywhere. In the end, I had a mastectomy in order to get rid of ALL the cancer-filled ducts and to reduce the chances of recurrence to less than 5%.)
I left the office in shock at the diagnosis. On the drive home, the reality and heaviness of the situation hit me. By the time we got home, I was an emotional wreck. I remember spending the evening on the phone long-distance with my parents, crying and freaking out in general, while they tried to console me and help me get it together. After I got off with them, Philip stayed up with me while I cried, praying for me out loud and comforting me until I was finally able to fall asleep.
This is how I remember September 4th each year, and I’ll never forget it. Nor the days that followed.
The following two days are likely the two darkest days of my life. I’ve had a handful of dark, devastating days throughout my life, but I think Sept. 5 & 6, 2001 still top the list. I spent the days alone in the house (while Philip was at work), consumed by depression, fear, and sadness. I tried to pray, but felt lost and actually betrayed by God, so I gave up. I laid on the couch and let the fact that I had CANCER sink into my mind. Cancer had always been my worst fear, ever since I was a young child and witnessed a friend my age go through it. Now I had it, and I was going to die, I thought. If not right away, then soon. The fact that I’d never had children was particularly heartwrenching during this time. The only thing I’d EVER wanted in life was to be a mother, and I thought for sure that it was now something I’d never experience.
I tried to watch TV to take my mind off the miserable thoughts, but even Little House on the Prairie didn’t help. If that can’t, then nothing can. LOL. I also remember watching Hamlet (the Mel Gibson version), which only made me feel more despondent – that bitter tragedy is enough to bring someone down on their best of days! LOL. I was so upset and scared that I couldn’t eat at all, and I felt nauseous constantly. I remember my mom calling me one of those afternoons, to check on me and cheer me up. I’ve rarely had a conversation with my mom where she didn’t -at some point or another- say something negative or something that insulted or hurt me, but one thing I remember specifically about that conversation with her that day was that she was so very kind, and she never said a single negative thing to me. It was nice. But even that wasn’t able to cheer me up. I was a mess.
All these feelings culminated in a big blowup on the third night. Not between me and Philip, but between me and GOD. Philip and I had been talking, and he was trying to get me to come out of this depressed funk and start trusting God to help me. I reacted by launching into a verbal rampage about how I would never trust God again, since he’d betrayed me by letting this happen to me. I accused him of leaving me, betraying me, forsaking me. I let God have it! LOL - thank GOD he is so kind and forgiving, because I can imagine how ridiculous it must’ve looked to him. A little ant of a person down here ranting & railing at Almighty God. ROFL. It was a rough night.
That next morning, I got up and knew I had to come to him for forgiveness for all the things I’d said. I was ashamed and scared. He was the only one who could help me now, and I’d spent the night before railing him. I meekly asked forgiveness for all I’d said. As soon as the words left my lips, I immediately felt like I needed to get my Bible. I got it and opened it up, not sure where exactly I was supposed to read, but before I could turn a page, these words literally JUMPED off the page at me:
14 But Zion said, “The LORD has forsaken me,
the Lord has forgotten me.”
15 “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
I will not forget you!
16 See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are ever before me.
17 Your sons hasten back,
and those who laid you waste depart from you.
18 Lift up your eyes and look around;
all your sons gather and come to you.
As surely as I live,” declares the LORD,
“you will wear them all as ornaments;
you will put them on, like a bride.
– Isaiah 49:14-18
The moment I read those words, sent straight to me by my God, all the desolation of those three dark days just evaporated. I was never again depressed or scared about what I was going through or the surgeries I had to face. In just a few paragraphs, God had let me know that:
•First & foremost, I was forgiven. Period.
•He’d heard me and understood completely, when I’d felt like he’d forgotten & forsaken me. (v.14)
•He had NOT forgotten me…quite the opposite. (v. 15 & 16)
•I was going to be okay. He was going to save me from the cancer inside me (at the time, I didn’t know by what means, but I just knew for certain that I was not going to die). (v.17b)
•He had a plan for me, and according to him, I WAS going to have the child(ren) I’d dreamed of. (v. 17a & 18). (it was these verses that gave me hope the following year, when I was told by Doctors that I would never be able to conceive or bear children. I knew different!)
ALL of those things have come to pass during the four years between then and now.
Imagine that.
I’ve been blessed beyond belief since Sept. 4, 2001. In these past four years, I’ve recovered from cancer and numerous surgeries, gotten to move back to the South, purchased my first home, battled infertility, experienced miraculous healing from that infertility, experienced pregnancy and natural childbirth, and now, I’m enjoying the sweetest gift of all:
Grayson, the son that was promised to me before he even came to be.
:)
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09.2.2005 | 5:01 pm | Uncategorized, Ranting
Wow. This is amazing.
DISCLAIMER: You will definitely be offended by this link if you’re worried about the plight of the lawless bandits who’re raiding the streets of N.O. shooting at the people trying to rescue the decent people, setting fires, and raping women. So don’t read it if you can’t handle it. And don’t jump on me for it - I didn’t write it! But I am posting it, because it’s great info for the rest of us.
http://www.mgno.com
I just saw this link on CNN. This guy is stuck up in one of the high-rise office buildings in N.O. He has some type of connection where he’s able to run his computer and some webcams. He’s writing from the perspective of someone actually trying to survive there in that chaos. Somehow he’s not resorting to shooting people though. He’s got his webcams aimed at the street, and is showing the blatant lawlessness going on right below him…those people are actually down there SELLING the crap that they’ve stolen (car tires, rims, jewelry, cigarettes, liquor…you know, your typical survival items)! I’m floored by that one! I’m sure there will be a good excuse made for that, too, though.
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