08.31.2005 | 9:35 pm | Uncategorized, Ranting
Last night, I ventured away from our local news coverage and gave the national news a look. I was blown away by footage of the rampant looting that’s occurring in the streets of N.O. When I consider the location, I shouldn’t be surprised, but yet, I still am. My experience here in dealing with natural disaster, is that it most often brings out the best in people. Not so in the Big Easy, at least not in the looters’ case.
What a sad, sad statement about just how far we as people are capable of sinking into depravity, when given the opportunity and the right (or wrong?) circumstances. I was angered by the scenes of hundreds of people breaking into stores and stealing valuables and anything else they could get their hands on. Not only were there men, but women as well, and worst of all, children were making off like bandits. What have their parents just taught them about how to live and behave within society? Ugh. And as usual, the law enforcement officers are impotent to put a stop to it. They aren’t allowed to use their guns, but I’d venture to say that’s exactly what is needed in such an anarchic situation. On the other hand, apparently it’s just fine for looters to shoot police officers, because it happened there yesterday.
I know they are in a horrible situation, but it is not an excuse for what they’re doing. The entire city (and Gulf Coast…despite the shameful lack of coverage it’s getting) is going through the same horrible situation, but somehow the vast majority of them aren’t stooping to looting.
I have heard that some bleeding hearts are saying, “But they need food! They’re only trying to feed their families!”
Agreed.
I would do whatever it took to get food for my baby, too. Except break the law, when it’s unneccessary to do so. Because there IS food available for everyone, even in N.O., if they would just go to the authorities and get in line. The National Guard is there with MREs and water, and the Salvation Army and Red Cross are there as well. I even saw on the news that police were trying to get authorization to open up some grocery stores, so that people could get in and get the food they needed in an orderly, civilized manner. Kind of like legalized, controlled looting (LOL). There is almost always a way to remain civilized, even in the midst of chaos and disorder all around you…and most people are able to adhere to that basic moral structure. Most N.O. residents are doing just that. But sadly, it’s not so with this group of people doing the looting. They don’t want the structure and order – it would mean they would be monitored and limited to food and survival items only. So, it’s obviously not hunger that’s got them out running the streets stealing and shooting police officers who get in their way.
If they truly only wanted to get food and necessary survival items, FIRST OF ALL, they wouldn’t be booking it through the streets with TVs over their shoulders or their pockets stuffed full of jewelry and other stolen merchandise…many of them with their kids by their sides, grinning from ear to ear while they do the same. To defend this kind of behavior is beyond belief, but apparently there are some who are trying to do so. I hate to break it to them, but none of that stuff is edible! I’m a compassionate person, but blatant looting pretty much squelches any ability I have to feel sorry for those people doing it.
As well, if they truly only wanted to get food and necessary survival items, they would work with the authorities to see that they got it legally. And yes, even in this bad of a disaster, that can and is being done. All over N.O., there are thousands of people who are just as desperate for food and other supplies, yet they’re not giving themselves over to a lawless mob mentality, and they are being taken care of. As I said, the National Guard has been handing out food & water since day one, and the Salvation Army was not far behind. Perhaps this is only being reported on our local stations? All people have to do is GO to where it’s being given out.
But then again, all they had to do in the first place to keep from being in the situation they’re in now, was GO to the #@%$#@ shelter that was set up for them by the government two days before the storm hit. It’s easy to understand that many of them didn’t have money or resources to evacuate, but there was NO excuse for them not to get to the shelter that was provided for them. They were even offered FREE RIDES there, all weekend long. Anyone who lives in a hurricane-prone area knows not to ride out the storm when you’re in a vulnerable area. Unfortunately, there are always the people who stay, and here we’re seeing the worst-case scenario of what happens when they do.
But I’ve gotten off track, and it’s time for bed anyway. I just had to get my thoughts out on this stupid looting crap I’ve been watching. Being that they’re being given opportunities to get food in a civilized way, I’m sorry to say that what’s going on ain’t at all about “survival”.
It’s all just a big, fat excuse for breaking the law and getting away with it. And I hope they all experience justice served – from whatever source it may come.
God Bless everyone from here to N.O.!
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08.31.2005 | 8:48 am | Uncategorized, Daily Life
The storm finally ended here Monday night. Since it moved northeast after hitting land, it was strange because we ended up getting tropical storm wind & rain all day & through the evening Monday. NOTHING like what Mississippi & N.O. got, of course. But we had lots of wind, especially during the afternoon. The local weather reported sustained wind of 30mph with gusts 50-60mph. It was kind of even a good thing here, because all the wind ended up knocking many of the dead limbs out of our trees that had been broken and hanging since Dennis got us last month. Certainly not all of them, but there’re about 20 or so of them all over the yard. That’s 20 limbs we don’t have to pay to have removed! LOL
So I’m about to go out & get to work cleaning up the mess in the yard. It’s not that bad; just those limbs and lots of other tree trash, sticks, and leaves. Nothing to complain about, for sure.
My heart’s breaking for what people from Mobile all the way west to N.O. are going through right now. People here are heading that way in droves, to help out in whatever way they can. We all know firsthand the devastation they’re experiencing, because we went through the same thing last year with Ivan. They’re literally cut off from the rest of the world, just as we were. I wish I could go with one of the convoys, to help feed people, but I can’t. If I weren’t a mommy of a young child, I would be there right now. I think you have to go through that kind of disaster to understand just exactly how heavenly it is to see a mobile kitchen rolling through your neighborhood, when you’ve spent the last three days with no power or running water and eating cold food out of a can. The mobile kitchen food technically isn’t the greatest, but on those days, you could swear it is the best meal you’ve ever tasted in your life. It would be such an amazing experience to get to provide that kind of relief to people going through the same misery. Gov. Jeb Bush was in Pensacola yesterday to see off the convoys leaving from Olive Baptist. He said, “the people of Pensacola know how much it meant when groups from all over the South came in to help them after hurricane Ivan, and now, it’s payback time.” Amen. BTW, why is it always the Southerners who come to help? One can say it’s because of the proximity, but I believe there’s much more to it than that. But it’s okay, because we don’t care! We do a good job taking care of each other down here…it’s a brotherhood/sisterhood that exists nowhere else in the country. And please, no funny comments about the brother/sister part! LMBO!
Anyway, I hope everyone who prays will remember to pray for Katrina’s victims. And please try to remember it’s not just those in New Orleans who are suffering badly, as the national news seems to only focus on (because they’re sadists who actually seem downright giddy that people are having to be rescued from their rooftops, and even moreso that people are dead). Mississippi has been utterly devastated, and Alabama got hit very hard too. I think only our local region knows about Alabama, but Mobile is a mess right now, with record flooding and a lot of damage, and no power.
I have to jump on my soapbox and say it’s no loss that the casinos that have littered the Biloxi/Gulfport coast for the past ten-plus years, are gone. I know they’ll rebuild, but at least they’re gone for a while. It’s a shame they were ever built in the first place. They sucked the life out of a beautiful coastal town, and even though people say it’s good for the economy, it’s really not. Sure, it brings lots of tourists and their money, but at what cost? It literally sucks the life out of the local residents. Anyone who knew Biloxi before the casinos, knows what I mean.
I had an appointment yesterday for that mammogram & u/s, but it has to be rescheduled thanks to all the storm crap. I had a question for Dr. Stolier’s nurse (in N.O.), but I quickly realized she certainly would NOT be in the office yesterday…and probably not for a while. That reminds me. I was actually supposed to be in Slidell on Monday! For my checkup with Dr. Sullivan (my plastic surgeon). How’s that for bizarre irony? I think I’ll need to reschedule that one, too.
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08.28.2005 | 9:10 pm | Uncategorized, Daily Life
So, it looks like we’re going to miss a direct hit from Katrina. I couldn’t be more relieved, nor more thankful that God heard our prayers here in the P’cola area – even despite my insulting him on Friday with my stupid rants that he’d forgotten us. D’oh!
However, this is the worst hurricane ever in the Gulf of Mexico, and New Orleans & the Mississippi Gulf Coast need our prayers tonight and tomorrow. The winds are holding at 160mph as I write this. A Category 5. What a freaking monster of a storm…it’s unbelievable! I’ve never seen a Cat 5, and the only one I can remember in my lifetime is Andrew, which hit Miami, not anywhere close to here. I’m desperately praying for calming and weakening of this hurricane - for the sake of the thousands of people in its direct path. Luckily, most have evacuated (there’s been a sea of Louisiana & Mississippi license plates passing through here today), but some have stayed. Either because of necessity (they are too poor or unable to evacuate 
), or because of stupidity (and it’s hard to feel sorry for those people!).
We’ve finally decided tonight to stay here in our home and not evacuate to C’view. I watched the reports all day, and by 6pm when the track had still not moved east toward us, I felt comfortable staying here. If it stays on the track it’s currently on, our area is forecast to get 60-80 mph wind tomorrow, which is equal to a strong tropical storm / cat 1 hurricane…so not too bad or scary. It’s the 100+mph winds that I do not care to have to sit listening to in fear (like last year’s Ivan), but unless the storm moves eastward, we shouldn’t get that kind of sustained wind here. There is always the chance it will make an eastward turn, but I feel like if it hasn’t at this point, then hopefully it won’t. And by tomorrow, it will be too late to go anywhere anyway, so I guess we’re here for good now. The eye’s landfall is forecast for 9am tomorrow, but the really bad weather is to start around midnight-3am. I can only imagine what a night they’ll have in Biloxi, Gulfport, and New Orleans.
We got the first band of rain late this afternoon. Then it calmed down for a few hours. Lee came over to help Philip board up our windows (thank you Lee! Your truck rocks!). Just before dusk, I went for a walk with Reagan, and was amazed at the cloud formations; they were in bands, dark and looming, and were moving from east to west really fast. The wind was starting to pick up to a steady breeze, and the air pressure was kind of low (it’s a weird, eerie feeling).
At around 8:30, just as we were getting Gray ready for bed, the next round of rain bands rolled in, with heavy rain, thunder & lightning. It’s still raining now.
The threat of tornadoes is very high, and that’s always one of the scariest parts of a hurricane. There have already been tornadoes just west of here in Mobile, and just east of here in Destin. I pray we don’t have ANY here.
It’s going to be a long 24 hours from here on out, but don’t think I’m not thankful we’re missing the worst of this monster…I am. And don’t think I’m not feeling every ounce of compassion on those who are in its direct path…I am. My heart goes out to them, because I can deeply empathise with their panic and fear.
We’re letting Reagan sleep inside tonight…he’d better not bark or he’s out in the storm! Haha! Don’t think I wouldn’t do it!
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08.26.2005 | 9:08 pm | Uncategorized, Daily Life
I am a horrible, horrible person. I feel so awful right now. Today has been a very bad day, watching the weather reports with their grim news about Katrina strengthening into a cat 3 or possibly even a cat 4 by landfall…and guess where the landfall track is centered now? You got it, good ole’ P’cola. Where else? I know the tracks can change, and I sure hope and pray this one does. But I also know that the closer a storm gets, the more accurate the predicted track is, so I know it doesn’t look good for us right now. So, we’re making tentative plans to get all our clothes washed tomorrow morning and go ahead and pack some stuff up to leave on Sunday, should it continue to come this way (and be as strong as predicted).
Now for the horrible me part. Seeing all the predictions and watching the news tonight and hearing them already talking about the familiar topics of gas station lines, sandbags, boarding up windows, school closures, etc., just freaked me out. I was so upset - crying, ranting, and asking WHY God doesn’t seem to be listening to the cries of the people in this area (I know, SCARY to question God, but I did…and I’m mortified now!). So we ate dinner and went for our walk.
There’s a young couple who live not too far down our road, who have a little boy around 2 years old. We don’t know them; we’ve only said hi or waved whenever we pass their house and they happen to be outside or whatever. I’ve always kind of wanted to introduce myself to the girl, because she’s always seemed nice, she seems around the same age as me, and she has a boy not much older than Grayson. But being that I’ve been rejected so often by women my age (for friendship–that sounded a little weird, didn’t it? LOL), I’ve chickened out and never done it.
Well, they have a Doberman puppy, but keep in mind a Doberman puppy is very big, or at least, this one is. It’s nearly as big as Reagan, who is a full-grown Shepherd mix. Tonight when we passed by, their “puppy” was loose in the yard, and it came running after Reagan (playfully, not anything mean). Philip had both the stroller AND Reagan, and he had to slow down b/c Reagan was all wanting to jump on the Doberman. I kept walking, b/c I like to keep moving fast for the biggest calorie burn. The girl came running across the road, calling her dog, but the doggie kept following Reagan/Philip/Grayson. I was getting annoyed because I didn’t want to stop, but I was getting too far ahead of them and wanted them to catch up. Well right about then, I heard Grayson start crying. I turned around and saw that the Doberman had been kind of jumping up (playfully) at the stroller, and Grayson was crying b/c he was scared. Well, I don’t know if protective-mommy mode kicked in (because it felt really bad to see him scared and crying like that!), or if it was the extreme level of stress I’m under with yet another stupid hurricane headed our way, or maybe it was both…but I am mortified at what came out of my mouth next:
I called out to Philip,
“It’s that (insert F-bomb here) dog that’s scaring him!”
Oh, yes… I did say that.
I am not proud of that.
I am horrified.
I am ashamed.
I SUCK.
Philip had stopped and the girl had just gotten up to them, and was grabbing her dog. She looked upset or hurt, and probably a little POed, and said,
“I’m sorry, he’s only a puppy and I’m trying to train him.”
She could’ve at least let me have it or something, so I wouldn’t feel so bad! But NOOOOO, she was nice, despite what I’d said!
Grayson stopped crying when she took the dog. I didn’t say anything to her in response…I just gave her a LOOK, and leaned down to comfort Grayson. I ALMOST said, “well if he’s not trained, maybe you should keep him properly restrained so he doesn’t come after people walking by”, but thank GOODNESS I had enough self-control to keep my mean, awful mouth shut! I think she said she was sorry again, and she walked off the other way with her dog, and we went on our way.
I was immediately embarrassed at how I’d treated her (for what I’d said). I cannot believe I dropped the F-bomb on a complete stranger. I am a horrible, mean, nasty person inside - I have to be, to have done that. I’m a failure at being the person I KNOW God wants me to be. He’s done so much for me, and I can’t even be kind — NO, I can’t even be DECENT — to people around me. So much for being a “light in the world”. I think my batteries have died or my oil has run out, or something…because my light has gone out. I would be so ashamed for her to know that I am a Christian.
To top it all off, as I said, she was someone who I think is probably nice, and someone I’d like to meet and get to know!
FORGET THAT!
UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!
I’m so angry at myself. I know God is angry at me too! In my heart, I feel like I should apologize to her…but I’m scared to even approach her now. I know I won’t be able to before the hurricane hits, because starting tomorrow, everything will be chaotic around here…evacuations, gas lines, boarding up, etc. (unless that track changes). I know she must also be stressed, because in Ivan, they sustained very bad roof damage…they had JUST gotten their new roof put on when Dennis hit last month…and during Dennis, part of a tree fell on the new roof, and they had a big hole in it! They JUST got that fixed this week! But did she let her stress cause her to treat me like $##% ??? No! But me? I acted like a total B#$%& !
What the CRAP is wrong with me??? It truly is NOT how I really am inside. But then again, God says that whatever comes out of your mouth, is a true reflection of what’s inside your heart. Yikes! I don’t know why my heart is so blackened lately. Well, I have a few ideas, but I don’t consider any of them excuses to act like a jerk. I owe her an apology. I just hope I have the guts to do it after all this crap passes over and is done with.
I’m going to bed.
I wish I’d wake up tomorrow and find out this is all a very bad dream.
I just want to live my life with no more freaking hurricanes this year! Is that too much to hope for??
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08.26.2005 | 9:35 am | Daily Life
How’s that for a witty spiritual title? Hahaha.
God, please help us, for we’re in the path of that freakin’ hurricane now. I pray it stays well east of us, but they keep moving the track more & more to the west, which is utterly sickening. I hope all my friends in South Florida are okay (well, not that many friends down there, but I know a few people who live there, including my ex-husband in Miami).
We’re as prepared as we can be, so we’ll just keep watching the forecast, and I’ll keep praying it misses us to the east.
Yesterday evening we’d walked to the bay and just as we neared the water, something flew in my eye (it was a gnat). OUCH! I screeched to a halt from the pain! The sucker got down under my bottom eyelid and it was wiggling around, which felt like a razor blade running along my eyeball! We were stopped at the side of the road and Philip was trying to help me get it out. My eye was watering, my nose was running, and I was jumping up & down and saying ugly words because it HURT!
I suddenly envisioned Philip having to leave me there alone in my pain, run the 1.5 miles back to the house with Grayson, get the car, come back to get me and bring me to the ER to have the thing surgically removed from my eye. Needless to say, that scenario only freaked me out more, and I’m sure we were entertainment for the people who lived across the road from where we were standing.
Finally, I held my eyelid down and Philip spotted the little sucker and told me where to put my finger to try to rub it out. Grayson started crying; I guess seeing me with my eyeball all exposed must’ve looked too freaky for his taste. LOL
It took a few minutes trying, but I finally got it out. A gnat! It was dead. Take that you stupid gnat! I cannot believe something that small had caused such excruciating pain, but it really did. It was way worse than the pain an eyelash or a piece of fuzz causes; this had been the childbirth of eye pain. LMBO! Needless to say, my eye was throbbing all night.
This morning, it was all sticky when I woke up. It’s still throbbing, it’s all red, and it feels like sand is under my eyelid, where the gnat was. I guess my eyeball got scratched.
I’ll be happy if this turns out to be the least of my problems as the next few days unfold.
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08.23.2005 | 9:40 pm | Uncategorized, Daily Life
First things first, though:
Happy
57th
Birthday,
Rick!
Ah, Rick Springfield…the one whose pictures papered every available surface of my bedroom walls from Jr. High on up through high school. I was an obsessed teenage fan…and am probably still a little obsessed, since 20-some years later, I still remember his birthday every year. Hahaha. I still love all his music from the 80s. I’m not ashamed to say I own every album he’s recorded since 1981, nor to admit that I check his website from time to time, just to see if maybe, juuust maybe he’s planning a show here in the local area (he’s not, dang it.).
I know my old buddy Charlotte is probably thinking of him today, too. She was my partner in Rick Springfield obsessional crime, and I can’t imagine she’s forgotten about him, either. What I wouldn’t give to be able to ask her if she remembers. *Sigh* I miss ya, Charlotte!
I didn’t have an mammogram/ultrasound appointment today after all. It’s for next Tuesday! I was brain-dead yesterday when I wrote that it was today. D’oh!
And, lastly…
I did it! I FINALLY DID IT!!
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08.22.2005 | 8:35 am | Daily Life, Breast Cancer, Ranting
Of course I wasn’t going to let all that go without reporting it. When I returned home, I got busy whoopin’ up.
First of all, I called Dr. Stolier’s office in New Orleans, to verify that Collette had sent the orders for BOTH a mammo and a companion ultrasound. She had, and when she heard what all had gone on at the hospital, she was incredulous. She said they should’ve never even had a question about doing the mammo, being that my breast surgeon had ordered it. She also said to get the hospital to send them the actual mammo films, because they’d be able to look at them and know if they were done improperly.
After that, I called the administrator for the women’s center and told her what all had happened with both her employees there, as well as my concerns about the accuracy of the mammogram. She was somewhat defensive that they have very strict rules about not doing mammos on lactating women, but when she heard the whole story, she agreed that with my surgeon’s orders, the usual protocol should’ve been lifted and the mammogram done. (DUH!)
She apologized for the rude treatment I’d received, and said she would be talking to both the nurse and the x-ray tech. She also said she’d give my films to their head radiologist and let him see if they looked like they were taken accurately or not.
Over that night, I started fuming again about the carelessness with which my mammo had been done. I started thinking that even if their radiologist deemed them to be accurate, it still wouldn’t erase my memory of how crappy that tech had done the job in my eyes. I was blessed enough to find out at a young age that I’m at very high risk for breast cancer…my job now is to stay on top of it and do everything I can to make sure the earliest sign of anything abnormal is caught, so that it can be taken care of before it truly threatens my health. The more I thought about the “quick” mammo that morning, the more I realized that, for my peace of mind, I have to get another mammogram done. But, my insurance won’t pay for two mammos. So, I decided to call the administrator back the next morning and tell her they’d better drop the charges for that mammogram.
I did just that. I called back and told her that due to the tech’s horrible attitude alone, I felt I shouldn’t be charged for the test. She first told me that their head radiologist had looked at the films and said they looked fine to him. In fact, she said that I’d proven their concerns wrong, because despite my lactation, the films had turned out very clear, as if I weren’t lactating. (GEE, maybe that’s because I knew what I was talking about when I tried to tell the stupid nurse I had pumped virtually all the milk out before I came!)
I told her that regardless of the radiologist’s analysis, the problem was that I would never be able to feel comfortable with it, because I knew how quickly and carelessly the girl had taken them. She apologized again for the tech’s behavior, and she told me that she’d spoken to both her and the nitwit nurse about the whole thing. She said that the nitwit nurse had told her that she’d felt that I’d been hostile toward her (probably when I told her I was “pissed off”! Other than that, I never did anything other than stand firm in my argument that I intended to have the tests that my Dr. had ordered!). The admin said she explained to nitwit nurse that she didn’t blame me for being very upset that I was being told I couldn’t have the tests done. She told her that she should’ve known that their protocol is not set in stone, and when a patient with a history of breast cancer is sent by her breast surgeon for a mammo & ultrasound, that the tests should be done, regarless of lactation or anything else – and had she only gone and called my Dr’s office (like I requested), she’d have found that out. She did say that there really hadn’t been any documentation that an ultrasound had been ordered, but again verified that a call to my Dr’s office by the nitwit nurse would’ve also cleared that up.
She said the x-ray tech had told her that she had not been rude (yha, right!) and that she’d not been careless in the setup for the mammo (yha, right, again!), but that she’d been reprimanded for it anyway, based on my claim of such treatment.
When I again brought up the question of being charged for the mammo, she told me they were going to waive the charges. She said they stood by their mammogram being accurate, but that since I had a question of its accuracy based on my bad experience, they were not going to charge for it. She said they do have to notify Medicaid that it was done, but that won’t keep me from being able to go somewhere else and have another one done and paid for. So, I was happy with that, of course. Lucky for her! Muahaha!
So, I have a new appointment on Tuesday (oh crap, that would be tomorrow!) for both a mammogram and breast ultrasound…but this time, I’m getting them done at Baptist…which is where I should’ve gone in the first place. I’ve called and spoken with the head admin there, and she’s assured me that with my surgeon’s orders, there’ll be no problem getting both the tests done. She also said the other hospital was nuts. Hahaha.
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08.17.2005 | 11:16 pm | Daily Life, Breast Cancer, Ranting
What a day. I had a mammogram & ultrasound scheduled for 11:30. I got up early, took a shower – but was sure not to use deodorant, left Gray with Philip, and drove 30 minutes to get to the hospital in P’cola. Got in, waited, got called back, changed into a gown, and was escorted into an exam room to play 20 questions with the nurse. One of her questions was if I was still nursing. I told her yes, technically…though we’re on the weaning side of things. Well, she turned all freaky and said they can’t do a mammo on a lactating breast.
I told her my doctor was aware I was still lactating, but that he’d ordered the mammo anyway, since he knows there’s not much milk production going on anymore; he said it shouldn’t pose much of an issue with the outcome of the scan. However, because I am still lactating, he’d also ordered a breast ultrasound, to compliment the mammo. In other words, he had it all covered, thank you very much.
Nitwit nurse: Hmmm, we don’t have an order for an ultrasound, only a mammo.
Me: No, I also have orders for an u/s. I called both my Dr’s office and this hospital beforehand, to verify that I did indeed have an u/s scheduled on the same day as my mammo, and they affirmed it at both places. (Nnnyah! 
)
Nitwit nurse: Well, there’s nothing but a mammogram order here, but we can’t do a mammo anyway. The milk clouds the films. When are you going to wean him?
Me: (steam is starting to blow out of my nostrils) I have no idea when he is going to wean. He’s going days without nursing now, so probably fairly soon, but I don’t know….I don’t have a date set.
Nitwit nurse: Well, what you need to do, is reschedule your mammo once he’s weaned, because we can’t do it today.
Me: Yes, you can do it today. I just saw my Dr. a couple of weeks ago and he knows I’m still nursing. He ordered a mammo with an u/s knowing this, because I have a history of breast cancer and I’m supposed to have this done once a year. Since I’ve missed two years, he told me he wants me to go get both scans done and have the results sent to him. Can you call his office and speak with his nurse? She’s the one who set it all up for me.
Nitwit nurse: No, everyone’s about to leave for lunch, so I can’t do that. But it doesn’t matter anyway. Even if your Dr. called here personally, it wouldn’t make any difference because our radiologists won’t do it, no matter what he says. So why don’t we just let you get dressed and I’ll take you back out front to reschedule…
Me: (steam is blowing out of my ears now as well as my nostrils, and I’m starting to paw the ground with my hoof) I’m not going to reschedule. I drove all the way over here this morning, and I’m going to get the tests I’m scheduled for.
She got up and went out to speak with the radiologist to see if s/he would go ahead with the mammogram. I sat there and steamed. I thought about how much trouble I’d gone to to get there, and it was apparently about to be a waste of my time. I knew for a fact that Dr. Stolier had ordered both of those tests, but that they were probably not going to do them because they had their head up their butts over some stupid protocol. One that ceases to matter when a breast surgeon with a cancer patient in his care overrides it.
Nitwit nurse came back: Sorry, the radiologist said you need to reschedule for when you’ve weaned the baby. So I’ll take you to get dressed, and then you can go reschedule.
Me: (more steam, hoof-scraping, and…charge!) Look, both of these tests are part of my routine post-cancer follow-up. I’m getting very pissed off (YIKES! YES, I SAID IT! EVEN WORSE, I HAVE TO WRITE IT now, in order to explain what I said!) over the fact that I got up this morning and got ready for all this, I arranged for childcare for my son, and I drove all the way here from _____ , burning up gas that I can’t afford…all to be told that y’all won’t perform the tests that my Dr. ordered??
Nitwit nurse: (extremely snippy at this point) Well, are you also going to be pissed off when your insurance won’t pay for the bill? Because that’s what’s going to happen when your films come back cloudy because you have milk in your breast. (clearly she had no clue that at this point in breastfeeding, I have very little milk in my breast at all. I’d also mentioned somewhere in there that I’d pumped just before leaving the house, just to make sure I was as empty as possible, but she told me that didn’t matter.)
I was gathering my thoughts for a retort, but she popped up out of her chair and said all freaky: Okay, why don’t you get up on the table and let me do the exam. You’ll get your mammogram, but I can tell you now that it’ll be unreadable, and you’ll have to be responsible for the bill. (I’m thinking, bite me, lady, because I’ve already passed all this by my insurance anyway.)
She did a breast exam in about 30 seconds. Yeah. It was rough and uncomfortable, and if I wasn’t so used to getting poked & prodded in all these years of exams/tests/surgeries (not to mention pregnancy & childbirth!), I’d have probably felt violated – instead, I was just mad. After she roughed me up, she asked me the rest of the questions on her papers.
Nitwit: Did you have any breast biopsies done?
Me: Yes, one biopsy and one lumpectomy/lymph node biopsy.
Nitwit: Did you have a mastectomy?
Me: (incredulous, since SHE’D JUST EXAMINED my reconstructed breast!) Umm, YYYES ? (hello?? what do you think that was you just looked at??)
So she got done and took me across the hall to the mammogram room and told me to wait on the x-ray tech. I sat there and started to think that I probably didn’t want them to do my mammo after all…
A few minutes later, the x-ray tech entered, clearly having been briefed that there was a naughty, insistent patient waiting for her. I am dead serious when I say she had a frown on her face and she slightly rolled her eyes as she mumbled in monotone:
Hi I’m _____. (can’t remember her name, but boy do I remember her attitude.)
She went straight over to the machine and set it up. None of the usual warm fuzzy chit-chat they always give you when you’re getting a mammo done. It didn’t help that she was probably no older than 24, so she had no problem engaging in a snotty college-coed attitude.
She told me to come stand at the machine, and she proceeded to plop my breast down on the plate and close it. No manipulating it to make sure it was all “in there”, no re-positioning to get a good hold. Worse, it wasn’t even closed tightly! Usually it’s tight enough that it’s very uncomfortable, and the plates are scraping against my ribcage. But this was pitiful. She walked behind the screen and took the x-rays. Then she left the room to give the films to the radiologist.
I sat and waited, getting upset that my one shot for the year to get a mammo had been done so quickly and haphazardly. I was thinking I should never have stood up for myself, but then I realized that I had done the right thing by doing so. But I’d decided against pushing for the ultrasound anymore. Would I really want one of them to perform another crucial test at that point, anyway? No way. For now I just wanted get out of there, but when I got home, I’d start making calls and whoopin’ some butt.
She finally came back in the room and said:
You’re good till next year.
Me: Ummm, did the Dr. have any problems reading the film?
Monotone Mammo Tech: No
Me: So there wasn’t anything concerning at all?
Monotone Mammo Tech: NoHe said you’re good till next yearThe dressing room is…blah blah blah….
She showed me where to get dressed and she was gone. I got dressed and by the time I was walking up the stairs in the parking garage, I was livid. How humiliating, to have been treated so rudely by both the nurse, and then especially by this girl – the one who was supposed to be responsible for taking the best shots possible of my breast, since…ohhhh, you know…I could DIE if she gets it wrong. And I truly don’t believe she got a good shot of my breast, based on my previous experiences with mammograms and how meticulous the techs have always been to get things “just right”. Not to mention, I couldn’t believe what a HUGE waste of time it had all been….
I’ll get to the rest later. I’m so tired.
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08.15.2005 | 8:22 pm | Uncategorized, Daily Life, Breastfeeding
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08.12.2005 | 3:20 pm | Uncategorized
(Continued from Aug. 9)
So where was I? LOL Nothing like saying I’ll finish “tomorrow” and getting to it three days later.
In January of this year, I got up my nerve and weighed myself. I’d last been on the scale sometime around Thanksgiving; the last I’d seen, I was still around 140, as I had been for months. The verdict?? 152 pounds. I’d put on an extra 10 lbs in just a couple of months! No wonder nothing but my sweatpants fit anymore!
I remember standing there, still on the scale, feeling sick to my stomach. I realized that if I didn’t put a stop to this NOW, I was headed down the same road my mom had chosen after she’d had her babies –– to just let the pounds pack on, all the while saying how it was having kids that had made her fat…when in reality, it was her own choice to have let herself go. That was the turning point for me. My “Ah-ha moment”, as Oprah would say. I was NOT going to go that road. I was going to change this, NOW. So, I did.
How did I do it? Very simply. I changed how I ate, and I started working out.
First, I got rid of the junk. No more OREOs, no more chips, no more pigging out on fast food. Then I just started buying, cooking, and eating lower-calorie, nutritious foods. Perhaps most importantly, I started limiting my portions and just eating less overall. It was hard to adjust to at first, but I got used to it after the first week or so.
I made a committment to working out at least 6 days a week. I didn’t think I had time, but I MADE time. I walked for 45 minutes each day, gradually building up to intervals of jogging. I also started weight-training at least three times a week, but I did abdominal work nearly every day because I had a serious case of jelly-belly. I still do all this without fail each week - only it’s more of an addiction now, than a duty. I actually look forward to working out, because it gives me an endorphin high that lasts several hours. Seeing the results on my body is not a bad motivator, either.
The first few weeks, I lost NOTHING. I was discouraged, but like many other setbacks in my life, that made me even more determined to lose it. Finally, about a month into it, I started seeing results.
And now, here I am. One pound from my goal. And I did it all without a single low-carb item, WW point, or bottle of Leptoprin® (LOL) in my repertoire. Just good old-fasioned eating less and getting my butt moving.
One of the big rewards came in June, when I was finally able to fit back into some of my pre-pregnancy size 3 clothes. ::yippee!:: And recently, I’ve found that I fit back into most all of my pre-pregnancy clothes, though there’re a few items that I’m still working on. LOL
But I think the best reward of all, is that I finally feel like ME again. I can’t explain it fully, but back when I was fat, I’d see myself in the mirror, and – aside from being disgusted – I actually didn’t recognize myself. I’d never had a double-chin before; never seen fat rolls on my sides. I’d never had to disguise a thick torso with big, tent-y shirts, but here I was doing just that…I’d often wonder “Who IS that frumpy chick looking back at me?!”
But now, I sometimes have to do a double-take when I pass a mirror. Not in a conceited way, but just because it actually catches my attention that the person I’m seeing is the “old” me! 
The one with cheekbones instead of a double chin. The one who has collarbones again, and who can wear her old shirts that go IN at the waist instead of OUT.
I’m also not stuck at home anymore, which isn’t too shabby. I can finally go out again and feel comfortable with how I look & how I’m dressed. Even proud of myself, because of how far I’ve come…
I’ll be sure to post when I lose that final pound! Woohoo!
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Indefensible!